Well people, it finally happened. Clown Corner has received a formal cease and desist letter from the editors and faculty adviser of The Echo. I was in the process of writing a new Clown Corner, detailing the misfortunes of our Echo leadership team. My clowning was too much for them, and I am now required by law to stop. 

Attached below is the formal letter. Please read it, as I am legally obligated to share the nature of this agreement. 

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So, from here on out, I promise to stop my clowning. I also must apologize to all those I have clowned before.

Dear Sony and Marvel, I apologize for clowning you about Spiderman. You were not trying to grab money and genuinely cared about the movies.

Dear Area 51, I apologize for clowning the raid and the aliens that you definitely do not have. You did a great job protecting our great country.

Dear Logan Paul and KSI, I apologize for clowning both of you. The fight was valid, and you both are very talented.

Dear 5 Minute Crafts, I apologize for clowning your very helpful videos. You’ve done a great job informing the youth about crafts that could save lives.

Dear funny mask wearers, I apologize for clowning you. It was your body, your choice, and it was your choice to wear the wrong kind of mask.

Dear myself, I apologize for clowning you. It was definitely worth it to take time off from The Echo staff and explore your future.

Dear devious licks, I apologize for clowning you. You did a great job expressing your frustration in a healthy way.

Dear Brian Laundrie, I apologize for clowning you. You absolutely did not kill Gabby Petito, and I am sorry for implying that you had anything to do with it.

Dear NFTs, I apologize for clowning you. You are a very valid art form that is totally real and not a scam.

Dear Naperville drivers, I apologize for clowning you. Your BMW had snow treads that gave you the right to go 60 on the snow-filled roads. My mistake for not realizing that.

Dear Superbowl, I apologize for clowning you. You put on a great show for America, and both teams deserved the ring.

Thank you loyal readers for listening to my apologies. I have committed some errors in my life, and I hope to correct them in the future. Furthermore, to show my guilt, I have included quotes from the pending lawsuit by my Echo superiors. 

Aarti Gupta, our editor-in-chief, said “Wujek has truly violated my privacy and trust by publishing such an article. I was incredibly heartbroken when I read what he had to say about me because I truly thought we had made a great friendship over the past two years. However, I am trying my best to put my personal feelings aside and handle this situation maturely. I hope that we can work through these issues together and that our readers keep faith in The Echo to be a reliable source of information.”

Jason Verdin, our faculty adviser, said “I had good faith in Wujek since he was a returning staff member. Obviously, something happened to him on the one-year hiatus that he took from The Echo, and now he is clowning everyone in sight. He is like a modern-day Abigail Williams: anyone that has done him wrong ends up in his sights for Clown Corner. Beware of Peter Wujek.” 

Even Maya Stone, my fellow business manager, said “I admire his hard work, waking up early, complaining, eating, complaining, and then going to school and complaining. He is definitely admirable, but his clown corner is not.”

Obviously, I have made mistakes in my life. I am so sorry for all that I have done and for the people I have hurt. I have no option but to submit for formal resignation. 

Loyal readers, thank you for the joy and the memories. This is truly the end of Clown Corner. 

Sincerely, Peter Wujek.