Clown Corner: Devious Licks


An unnamed ‘student’ stealing two chairs from the Neuqua Valley hallway

Peter Wujek, Business Manager

Who tryna hit some devious licks with me? Follow along on this edition of Clown Corner to hear everything you need to know about devious licks.

First, let me introduce what a devious lick is. Beginning earlier this month, a new TikTok trend surfaced displaying students stealing things from their school. It began small, with soap dispensers, whiteboard erasers and even paper towel dispensers. It began to grow from there. I saw people stealing school buses, a whole locker bank and stall doors. 

Before I delve any further, I should say that some of these are staged, as most trends are. Despite this, many of the licks are actually real, and have even happened at Neuqua.

Now, let’s dive in. First, why? Can’t you clowns find something best to do with your energy? Go kick a soccer ball or do some manual labor. Figure out a way to do something that doesn’t absolutely destroy everything around you. 

Ok, now that I voiced that thought, these devious licks are hilarious. TikTok has periods of ‘stale-ness,’ but devious licks genuinely made me laugh. They all use the same audio, so you know when one is about to start. Other than that, it’s a total crapshoot what you’ll see. Expecting to see a soap dispenser and getting a locker bank is a great experience. I’ve also seen announcements at schools where the principal tells the school that they can’t use bathrooms or leave their classrooms. I have to laugh at these clowns because it’s so unbelievably absurd. What did they think would happen? Will their actions not have consequences?

For the final portion of this Clown Corner, I wanna talk about some devious licks at Neuqua. Again, some of this is speculation. I have no concrete proof that these occurrences are devious licks, but what else could they be? 

A missing soap dispenser in the lower B wing hallway

First, the main building has a couple soap dispensers missing, specifically in the lower B wing boy’s bathroom. The picture on the right denotes proof of such transgressions.

Second, the freshman building has had some very active clowns. I’ve heard about multiple missing stall doors, which is crazy. How do you remove a stall door at school? Then what do you do with it? Of course, as all trends do, this has also leaked down into middle schools, and some kids are hitting devious licks there too.

In conclusion, as usual, everybody looked like clowns. First of all, don’t steal things. Please. However funny you think it is, the trouble you get won’t be worth it. Second, this is only going to hurt the people around you. The more licks you hit, the less freedom we all get in school. So, I beg you clowns reading this, don’t hit these devious licks. Go hit some devious homework, and get your devious grades up. I’ll see you all again soon.