Clown Corner: Summertime!

Charlie Wallin and Sobia Shamim

With summer quickly approaching students are scrambling for fun ways to spend it. Everyone knows summer is the best season, despite its hot weather, because it provides the one thing we long for during the school year: free time. But, sometimes, too much time off overwhelms us with the possibilities of what to do. Below are seven ideas to fill up your summer!

7. Go to a concert
Starting off strong, why not fill out the summer cliché and go to a concert this summer? Grab some friends, buy your tickets, plan out an amazing outfit, and spend a couple of hours trying not to lose your hearing or voice as you scream like a banshee because we know full well you cannot sing.

6. Go for a swim
Maybe, just maybe, you’ll find yourself relaxing at a pool, attempting to get a tan, when suddenly, you’ll see some girl wearing pink playing on a piano in the pool, and maybe you’ll see a bunch of adults badly portraying high schoolers dancing atop a waterfall, and as you try to leave the mess, you get dragged into a song and dance atop a slippery pool deck, but eventually, you’ll become tired, give up on the pool, and crawl back home.

5. Become a supervillain
Let’s face it, life in Naperville is boring. By becoming a supervillain you add some spice to both your and others’ summer. Cause mass destruction! Create chaos! Do something other than sit in your house, who cares if it is slightly immoral? Besides, your identity should be secret anyway so no one’s going to know about your evil rendezvous.

4. Become a superhero
Someone needs to take care of the previously mentioned supervillain. You can’t just allow some rando to wreak havoc on your home while you do nothing. Don’t be a bystander, become a superhero. The city needs you so put that mask on, along with a silly costume, and fight the evils of this world.

3. Get famous
Who doesn’t want to be famous? Use this summer to become a niche internet microcelebrity. Post that wannabe influencer vlog that’s sitting in your drafts. Maybe the algorithm will be in your favor and you’ll find yourself blowing up with thousands of comments lying to you about how funny you are. Gain yourself a loyal fan base that will defend you against even the most horrible controversies. Get canceled, cry about it, and get uncanceled.

2. Obsess over an influencer
So your dreams of becoming famous don’t work out because, let’s be serious, you’re not cut out for fame. Your silly video flopped and your friends ridiculed you in the comments. You’re bitter, you wanted to be famous, so why not let your delusions live on? Start obsessing over a random influencer. Convince people you are dating, photoshop photos of the two of you, and watch as those rumors spread. They’ll DM you, privately asking you to confess to your lies, but you’re in too deep now. They will call you out publicly, embarrassing you to their fanbase, but you will continue to insist you are in fact dating. Congratulations, you’re now infamous!

1. Do absolutely nothing
After the hectic mess of your summer described above, you will probably end up with the option you always choose: nothing. Waste away scrolling through social media for hours while never leaving your bed. You’re sweaty and miserable but this is the best option. Your lack of fans keeps you up at night, along with the sound of a waterlogged piano you can’t seem to get out of your head.