The dangerous implications of Mattress Firm


Peter Wujek, Business Manager

Residents of Naperville are mostly likely familiar with the stretch of mattress stores down Route 59. An undercover Wildcat Weekly reporter, who we will refer to as “Karen” for safety, discovered a massive secret about these stores. The chain of stores is pretty confusing. There are literally two Mattress Firms across the street from one another. This always came across as a little suspicious to me. The reporter uncovered that these stores, along with the others down the street, were being used as money laundering facilities for an underground Naperville mob. While much more is still to be uncovered about the mob, this is what we know so far.

On March 15, a reporter walked into 2975 Audrey Ave. with a simple goal in mind: they wanted to trick the manager into revealing the store’s secrets. The reporter, wearing a wire and using the fake name Karen, asked an employee to contact the manager, looking for a specific mattress that was in stock online. The reporter learned about this scheme from a snitch at the rival, IKEA. At 1300 hours, the reporter asked the manager to hook them up with the ‘special deal,’ The manager acted confused, saying, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” The reporter pressed further and dropped the code word, “detergent.” The manager nodded once and flipped the sign on the door to ‘closed’ (which wasn’t an issue because who the heck shops for mattresses). The manager asked the reporter if they had the goods. The reporter procured a duffel bag, filled with monopoly money. In good faith, the manager handed the bag to the employee next to them. The reporter left, but went to a nearby lot to watch the storefront to see if the workers noticed the switch up. Soon, at 1400 hours, the manager angrily stormed out of the front. They looked fiercely around, and went back inside, flipping the sign to open as they went. The reporter quickly left, driving back to their apartment. They sent me the recording and then dyed their hair a different color to avoid being spotted again. 

I have a wild theory that might shed some light on Naperville’s criminal underbelly. A fellow journalist for the Echo, Abigail McArthur-Self, uncovered a similar mob based around Washington Street. This creates the possibility for one big mob, spread around Naperville. Using the information we have, I might be able to predict where the mob will set up a new operation. The mob’s hub is Washington Street. George Washington had 5 brothers and sisters, and 4 half brothers and sisters. If you mess with the numbers, you can create “59.” The five comes from Washington’s original siblings, then if you add his half-siblings, you get nine, hence Route 59. If you add the numbers in George Washington’s birthday (2-22-1732) you get 55, which if added to 59, makes 114. If you add those numbers you get 6. Observant residents might have noticed that the Ogden 6 Theatre is shutting down. Using my brain, I have discovered the mobs next front. They will take over the abandoned Ogden 6 Theatre and turn it into a hub for illegal activities, such as making pink drinks not pink. 

As a journalist, it is my job to publish the truth, no matter how much danger it puts me in. If this is the last time you hear from me, please publish a clown corner in my name and remember me.