Clown Corner: 5 Minute Clowns (Crafts)

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Original Creation

My rendition of 5 Minute Craft's YouTube page, complete with clowns galore.

Peter Wujek, Staff Writer

One of the internet’s oldest and biggest trends is ‘life hacks’ and crafts. The Youtube field is dominated by the behemoth known as “5 Minute Crafts.” They aim to provide watchers with ‘life hacks’ and cute crafts that will improve lives. On Clown Corner this week, we discuss how clown-ish the massive channel is.

The channel loves to make up little skits to introduce their craft, and some of them are awful. If a hack relates to school, chances are it’ll be demonstrated on a math problem. An example is making a home-made eraser. But, of course, the eraser was used because the actor got 2+2 wrong. Seriously? 2+2? On God, they’re really dumb for getting that wrong. Another one of my favorites involves a girl who cannot stop taking selfies in class. First off, who can’t stop taking selfies? If you’re using your phone in class, chances are you are not taking endless pictures of yourself. But, to disguise her phone from the teacher, she hot glues colored pencils to the back of her phone. Not only would this never work, it completely defeats the purpose. In the clip, the pencils block her rear-facing phone camera and are uneven compared to other pencils. I know you don’t use the rear-facing camera for selfies, but you still use it for literally everything else.

Many of the hacks are completely unnecessary. They added hot glue to the top of the lighter, to ‘waterproof’ it, but to use it, they had to peel the hot glue off the lighter. For no reason, they made flip flops out of hot glue. They would not hold up and would not function anywhere near the level of regular flip-flops. Sure, you can do it. Sure, it has some purpose. But why? There is absolutely no reason to make these and use up all that hot glue. You can get a pair of flip-flops from Dollar Tree for literally a dollar instead of spending money on hot glue. I know I’m focusing way too much on these shoes, but it makes me really mad.

My final issue, and the fact that reveals the clownery in this situation, is the views this channel gets. The channel has 17 billion total views and 64 million subscribers. Videos average between 500k and upwards of 5 million views. The most viewed video has 74 million views alone. I just don’t get it. Why do these stupid crafts have millions of views? I must be the clown for not seeing it. Maybe the public are clowns for letting the channel grow this much. The public should stage a clown coup to overthrow this behemoth. Political uprisings aside, this has been clown corner. Stay clowny folks.